What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
