We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
