Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
