Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
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