you guys were way drunker than both of me
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
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he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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