he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
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You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
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The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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