He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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