Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
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It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
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