I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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