gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize