if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
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