is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
