So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
