Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
