I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i barfeds in our rink
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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