she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
