This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
