Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
