tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
