Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
How does it feel to date your dad?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
