bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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