We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
