You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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