My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
