...so i touched it.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
