There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
