can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
