Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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