Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
