I want to have your abortion
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
you had me at cake vodka
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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