Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize