I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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