Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
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i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
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I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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