I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
