It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm really busy with my period
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