Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
