I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
