You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
