he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
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