did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
