If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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