sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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