i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Randomize
