And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Just pee around me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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