I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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