Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
