i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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