i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
