You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
