12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Even my vagina gasped.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
