I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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