yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Text me some of your sweat
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
