i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
