We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
