I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
