My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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