Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
