I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
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so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
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It would be one hovered percent delicioui
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
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