I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
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I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
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I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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