My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
