Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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