Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
